I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize