I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
