capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
