toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The ass gains better be worth it
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