Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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