how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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