i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
