a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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