my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
