No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
