for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
