don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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