If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
