To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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