saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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