I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
