I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
