How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i came on her dog
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
porn star boner night. come get it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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