I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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