Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
