when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
