I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
