He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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