So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
