Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
