i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i believe in u and ur pee
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