"it" just moved
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
