Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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