apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
