I faked an abortion last night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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