wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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