this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
