i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
