Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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