Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
