I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
