What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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