I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
