you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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