capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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