You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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