This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's great music for shaving your balls
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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