apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
