He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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