so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
