They should really pass out barf bags in church
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
