I'm eating all of the evidence.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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