it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
