what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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