I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
