Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The power of my boobs compel you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
