Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
