We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
