Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
