Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
