I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
