2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
