You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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