I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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