How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
