we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
