thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
