In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
