i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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