Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
