Nicole vs. Life
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize