I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
