you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
