the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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