K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you made out with another girl for some wings
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize