A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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