He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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