Got a toothbrush?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
