Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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