Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
