I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize