i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
