i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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