I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
