haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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