get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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