His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
