she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
