I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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